all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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