somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
