i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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