...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
