omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
