a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
