My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
