He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
