my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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