Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
