He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
