i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my sisters under your porch take her home
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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