Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
