I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
