i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
