my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
