i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
