I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'd cum for enchiladas.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
