your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
