He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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