Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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