shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
my shit smells like andre
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Randomize
