I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
