Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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