New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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