just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
