Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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