turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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