John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i dont even know how to be here
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
