there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
