I accidentally had phone sex last night
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
