remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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