Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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