Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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