the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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