so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
