You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
