stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
