It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
