i don't like sucking hair
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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