I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
