maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
