My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
