Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
