if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
