I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
