Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
