I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
