Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
