Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
