Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
