I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
