i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
