I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
