If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
