The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
